Forbidden

Alexander sat there, just watching her.
She moved so gracefully when she danced, when she sang, when she just walked.
She held him fascinated, his heart captivated by her beauty and her ravishing personality; the way she did things.

Alexander wasn’t just any normal man; he was an angel.
He sat on clouds, saw everything, could watch people and know their personality.
He could see their heart and their soul just by looking at them.
His gaze penetrated everything.
All he was supposed to be was a calm, cool angel who did whatever his master said. He held a high rank, and there were only a few conditions which he had to abide to stay there.

Unfortunately, he broke one of those rules before he had even known or could feel it; he fell in love with a human: Forbidden love.

Love, it seemed, was okay as long as it was with another of your kind.
In his case, it had to be an angel for it to be legit.
But instead, he fell for a human, a wonderful, beautiful human.
She had long, shining dark hair that reached the small of her back and even deeper darker eyes that mesmerized you.

“Alexander...” another male angel called to him.
He was too immersed in watching this girl and didn't hear him.
“Alexander!” The harsh shout made him jump, breaking him out of his daze.

“Yes, what is it?”
He repositioned himself on his cloud, brushing his two-toned hair from his eyes.

“Why are you not completely dressed?” the angel asked.

“Oh, umm, I was just changing...I, umm, I got distracted. Sorry. I’ll put a shirt on.” He grabbed the black sweater he had been wearing earlier and put it back over his head, careful not to catch and tug on his wings; when he did that it really hurt.
“Anyway, what is it that you needed?” he asked, sitting back down on the edge of his cloud, watching the other’s face.

“You are, of course, well aware of the rules of your status? The conditions?” the angel, whom he now recognized as Gabriel, asked him.

“Well, yes, of course. Why do you ask?”

“The master wishes to speak to you about some improper behaviour. He is most displeased at some of your actions”, Gabriel explained, his face conveying his emotions. He had wished not to do this, but the master’s orders were final and to be heeded without question.

“Yes, alright. I suppose I could go up and see him”, Alexander sighed, fearful of what was to happen to him if he were in there for what he thought he was in there for.

“And ...?” Gabriel turned to Alexander again just before he left his area.

“Yes?”

“Don’t admit that you fell in love with her. Just say you find her attractive… It won’t get you as much punishment...” Gabriel’s features twisted into a grimace of pain. Gabriel then turned back to the doorway, his long white cloak billowing behind him with the wind, his longer blonde hair whipping around his face. He closed his brown eyes in sadness, wishing nothing but the best for his friend.

Alexander nodded to Gabriel’s back before taking a deep breath, a terrible feeling twisting and burying itself into his stomach, knotting his insides.
He took a few steps forward and staggered backward. The fear he held for what could happen to him was heart wrenching. It gave him a stomach ache just to think about it.

Gabriel walked five paces ahead, leading Alexander to where he was to meet their master. He could hear every echo of their footsteps through the giant corridor. It gave him chills to imagine what his punishment could be. He tried taking deep breaths to calm himself, not paying attention to his surroundings.
He slammed right into Gabriel’s back, who had stopped abruptly at a large door. The room had a desk and a chair, but was plain otherwise.

The master sat in front of them, his hands folded and supporting his head as he leaned his elbows against the desk, sighing.
Alexander felt the long-forgotten feeling of fear gripping his insides, twisting his mind into a place of dark and evil imagination, images of torture flashing through his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, not wanting to open them again, in case there was something terrifying beyond his line of vision that he had yet to see. He slowed his breathing, attempting to regulate it as he folded his hands in front of him, his arms limp.

“Gabriel, leave us.”
The master’s tone was commanding, and in no way friendly, merely business-like as if he weren’t about to ruin some angel’s life.
Gabriel bowed, nodded and took his leave, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

Alexander stepped forward into the lights that began to flicker on.
There were torches on the walls.
A bit of Hell in a perfect Heaven.

“You are most likely aware of why you are here, I am assuming.”

Alexander bowed his head, fearful of what he should say. “Yes, I think so.”

“Have you fallen in love with her?”

Alexander closed his eyes, still looking down. He mumbled a soft, ‘No’, before he bit his lower lip. His heart hammered deep in his chest, threatening to break out and leave his dead body behind before he faced the torture he was sure he would receive.

“So, you find her merely physically attractive?”

“I guess so.”

“Alexander. Look me in the eyes.”

Alexander looked up; terrified he might see fire in the master’s eyes.
He opened his eyes slowly and looked at the master. His gaze was steady and penetrating. Alexander stared him in the eye, unwavering; refusing to give in to inner fear.
If he really did love this girl, he wouldn’t get himself banished from heaven for her.

He was, after all, her guardian angel.
She talked to him at night and asked him if he could see her.
He tried to answer, he screamed, he clawed at his confines in the sky, but she could never hear him.
She said she loved him.
She wasn’t religious; she just knew she had an angel.
She was an artist and one day she had drawn a sketch of him before she made a portrait of it. It now hung in her large bedroom at the centre of the wall above her bed.
In her eyes, he was beautiful.
He was flawless, he was strong, and he was gentle.
He wished he could see himself in the same light, see the beauty in him that she seemed to pick up on.
Alexander sighed. “Just tell me, what is to be my punishment.”

“For lying to me? Your wings are to be removed.”

“I lied to you?”

“Numerous times, actually. And of course, you have committed one of the seven deadly sins.”

“Mmm. Lying? Not sure about that. Seven deadly sins? Yes, and I am proud of it!”

“Come, Alexander. We must ensure the proper punishment, and then you can go.”

Alexander stepped forward. “No !”

Two large angels, the master’s bodyguards he assumed, stepped into the room and pinned his arms behind his back, dragging him to another room over.
It was dark and it smelled of something Alexander could not quite place.
He was forced to his knees; his hands then shackled to the floor with chains that had been previously chained to the stone floor ages ago.
He grunted and screamed; fighting against the force that held him down.
A sudden force began tugging on his wings.
It was the master.

“What…are you…doing?” Alexander managed to choke out.
His back ached, his wings felt like they were being crushed by the heaviest object imaginable.

“You are to have your wings removed, as I said.”

“No! Please!” Alexander forced himself to yell. He struggled more, but the pain of his skin being torn caused him to stop. He whimpered, struggling futilely some more before he slumped, defeated, attempting to ignore the pain.

“Did you not fall in love with the human?”

“How could I not?”

“That doesn’t answer my question!”

The master pulled harder at his wings and he felt his skin becoming slowly and painfully detached from his body.

“Did you, or did you not, fall in love with the human?”

Alexander clenched his jaw, forcing himself not to answer, but the tedious tearing of wings from skin caused him to cry out in pain, lurching forward and ripping the skin off even further. He sat back up straight.

“Yes !”, he managed to force himself to growl.
“And I will fight anyone; refute anything that tries to hinder my love for her. I will withstand !” he paused momentarily as an involuntary ‘ugh’ sounded from deep within his chest as his wings were tugged on even harder to shut him up. “I will…” Alexander breathed, “…withstand anything that disproves of my love for her...”

“So...you would rather...DIE...than have her love or your love for her taken away from you? You would rather be forced to the earth to fend for yourself against the demons sent up there from Hell to take care of fallen angels, like you? ”

“Yes. If it meant I could be with her.”

“I will not send you to earth...but I can still grant one of your wishes.”

Alexander felt an enormous pull at his wings before something blunt connected to his head.

He never woke up, again.

Amas-me ?

Estavam abraçados, bem juntos, e beijavam-se apaixonadamente.

Ele parou e chegou-se para trás ligeiramente, fez uma pausa e depois no silêncio cortado pelas respirações ofegantes, perguntou “ Amas-me ?”

“Claro que não, porque quereria eu isso ?” disse ela, tentando ser engraçada. Para ela, a resposta era obvia.
Ela tentou beija-lo novamente, mas ele não deixou.
Lembrou-se de como tinha cravado o nome dela naquele sobreiro, e de como se tinha sentido sozinho quando ela não fez o mesmo.

“ Amas-me ?” perguntou ele outra vez, com mais firmeza.

E desta vez, ele parou para olha-la nos olhos. Aí, ele encontrou todas as perguntas e respostas que ela escondia e tantas outras coisas que ela tinha medo de dizer. Ele viu como ela o amava e como isso a deixava triste e insegura porque sabia que a vida não tinha sentido sem ele. Ele viu como ela planeava cada gesto, cada palavra, para nunca o perder. Ele viu como ela sorria e chorava e depois mordia a língua, ligeiramente, a pedir um compasso de espera, para impedir as muitas perguntas que queria fazer e que o podiam magoar ou zangar. O que ela mais queria era abraça-lo e ama-lo e ser amada por ele, saber que ele era sua, dela para guardar para sempre, saber que ela era muita mais do que um corpo alguma vez pode oferecer, muito mais do que uma cobiça carnal.

Ele estava a perder-se na escuridão daqueles olhos grandes e brilhantantes.
Lembrou-se do papel amachucado, rasurado, com começos não terminados, com gritos silenciados pela vivência do dia-a-dia e do que os rodeava.
Engoliu em seco, abafou o desejo de fazer nova pergunta.
Basta ! disse, para si mesmo, basta de estilhaços. Acredita !
Então, passou os dedos pelo cabelo dela.

“Amo-te mais do que a própria vida” disse-lhe e beijou-lhe a testa enquanto limpava as lágrimas que devagarinho faziam o seu caminho para se aninharem no meio de seios macios e quentes, rosados pelo amor ainda à pouco partilhado de forma tão ardente.
Ele puxou-a para ele e abraçou-lhe com força, com toda a força que o seu ser lha permitia. Ele queria tanto dizer-lhe que estaria para sempre a seu lado, que ela poderia sempre contar com o seu amor, seu carinho, sua protecção.
Ele queria tanto...ser o seu “amor”.

A hora deles estava a acabar. Ele tinha medo. A vida tinha-lhe ensinado que o amor não era a resposta para tudo, por vezes nem a solução, e até, em certos casos, pouco fidedigno. Tinha fugido. Escondera-se. Mas agora...agora amava de novo. Era bom, amar de novo. Ela sofria com aquele amor. Agora, ele, compreendia.

Ela não lhe tinha respondido e ele...não ia perguntar-lhe...outra vez.
Não.
Limitara-se a amá-la...e esperar.